I am going to admit something pretty embarissing, but no one can deny that they've done it. Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I really hit bottom and felt so alone (hints the pic of the broken jars). But the title of this blog isn't "Me with a view of the bottom". NO...it's about God answering prayer...
In the darkness of last night, I could only cry out to God. I had tried to call friends or talk to some one, but soon I realized that life in Riverside goes on with out me. It was just me and God. I admit that I denied ever wanting this and that I would do anything to just go home. What I realized then, was that God is answering my prayers of dying to my self and showing me a life of real sacrifice. (Yes...other's around the world are sacrificing more than me and in different ways). With no one else to talk to in those late hours, I was forced to rely on and talk to God first. To find true comfort in Him...no one else. No other friend or family member was there, just the Lord and I found He must satisfy even that part of my life. Sure, I've known that, but now I've experienced it. It's more difficult than I thought because I am more selfish than I realized, but it's good for my soul- I can feel it...I just know it!
Sometimes I get caught thinking that prayers aren't answered and that they are useless...but then God proves me to be a fool and a "Mr Thomas Doubter". It's been a long time comming and there's still a long way to go, but God is taking this fool and SHOWING her how to die to herself and trust HIM...
IT'S ALL TO BITTER SWEET...
2 comments:
oh crystal, our God is an awesome God. He will continue to reveal Himself to you in so many different ways as you treck through this journey. keep seeking Him alone and be prepared for His abundent blessings. love maryjane
Thanks Maryjane. I do miss you and all of Hemet. You are such an encouragement.
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