Failure to Evangelize in a Postmodern World

This is a sickness I hope to purge myself of as I cling to listening to God’s voice rather than my own.

Last night two other girls and myself went to Java to get some studying done. It was a rather pleasant evening, all bundled up on the couch with the fire place in front of us, and all deep in thought from what ever book we were each reading. Through out the evening, I had been curiously watching a women who was sitting at the bar working on something at her computer. She sipped a glass of red wine and every now and then took a look around the room at everyone. Finally, I moved to the chair closest to the fire and began to read my Bible and journal some prayers to God. This is what I read:

“Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked”. –Psalm 82:3-4.

I then began to ask God that he would put more unbelievers into my life and then use me to share the truth and light of the gospel with them. To minister and disciple them and do the work of the kingdom. Then I read some more…

“They know nothing, they understand nothing. They walk about in darkness; all the foundations of the earth are shaken”- Psalm 82:5.

My heart began to hurt for the lost, whose eyes are veiled and have no hope, for those who have not tasted and seen the Absolute Good. I asked God to help me “fight laziness, pride, deceit, frustration, worry and ill-confidence so that my own sin would not hinder me from being used to reach the lost” (written in my journal). Just then, the woman at the bar came and sat next to us on the couch. I noticed she was reading a book so I asked her what book she was reading. It was the new, and very famous, book called “Eat. Pray. Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert (not a Christian world view book).

The woman then informed me that her divorce was made final just the day before and she was told that this book was good to read to help and relate to her situation. It is about a women who gets a divorce and her struggles through it, how she turns to prayer in her time of need (though she doesn’t share the gospel in her book, but instead says that any religion will be just fine…ergo Postmodern), and then travels all around Italy, India, and Indonesia to find peace, comfort and joy. As this woman explained the book to me I asked her what viewpoint was the women coming from, from a Christian point of view or what. Her answer led me to realize that neither the author nor this woman, were saved believers in Christ.

Here it was! My opportunity! God answering my prayers almost instantly! I felt a huge burden to share with this woman what could really bring her peace, joy, and comfort. I knew that I needed to reach out to her. I wrote my name, contact information and a small note to her on a piece of paper. It was inappropriate, so it seemed, to speak about it to her opening then and there, but I wished I had…OH HOW I WISHED I HAD. What ended up happening is that she left and as she left, I with held that note. I never handed it to her. I DID IT AGAIN LORD! I DISOBEYED! Here, I just prayed for the Lost and that I would be bold, and I just let her walk away, not knowing if she will ever hear or if I will ever see her again.

I am ashamed to say that in those few moments, my sin revealed to me was greater than I had thought. It was in that moment when I refused to give her the note that I began to say that Satan’s lies were better than God’s truths. I was acting as a God-Hater and a self-lover. I could hear Satan telling me that I had nothing to offer her that would comfort her, that she would think me crazy, that I was trying to be “too spiritual”, and that I would be doing a foolish thing to give her a piece of paper…as if she would actually call me to talk. AND I BELIEVED HIM!!!

Talking and thinking about it today, I’ve learned one of my closer weaknesses and find myself utterly disgusted by it. God is moving in me, and others, to see that His voice is the only one we are to obey. I feel, in a way, like a fake or phony, but from here I can only go forward and up to stand rebuked, corrected, encouraged and trained by God all at one time. So…I urge you and others, DON’T FAIL TO EVANGELIZE IN THIS FALLEN AND POSTMODERN WORLD. There is truth, you know it, and everyone else needs it!