Consuming Idols...

In the quiet hours of the morning, I woke up longing to be close to God. I needed to drink His peace and savor His word. I prayed and talked to our Maker. My heart has been so clenched and drowning lately. As I laid there in bed, trying to talk to God, I allowed myself to be consumed with a fear, a fear that crippled me and effected me so much that it worries me that I am so easily corrupted.
Over the past semester I have allowed myself to be greatly effected by something. It started out as being under control and not an issue at all, but then it grew and became more complicated. For so long I thought it was all okay, but then I went on Christmas break... Over the break I realized that I had been putting this thing in my life as an idol. I regarded this thing and longed for it so much so that I began to resent it.
The Holy Spirit showed me my error and I began to pray and cling to Christ that I might purge myself of the mindset of this sin. I've been fighting since, but while I've been fighting, I've realized that part of me still doesn't want to let this thing go. It would not be such a fight, nor would my heart hurt so deeply, if I just trust God and really want to get rid of it. So, this morning, as I fought against my own flesh, God spoke to me and revealed to me this point:
I've been missing the point. The point is, I need to put God first. The point is, God is answering my prayers. I prayed and asked Him a while back that he would take the desire for this thing away from me and give me the strength to deal with it, AND HE IS!!! I should be thankful for the pain that comes along with it, for God reminded me about Romans 5:3- "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
What sweet words we have from the God who know us more than we could ever know ourselves. I had not payed attention to my first love, but I see it now. I SEE HIM NOW! While this doesn't make the struggle any less difficult, it does give affirmation that God is working this for good and that I have hope that HE IS GIVING ME STRENGTH to let go!